Today is officially the first day of summer. In Miami, this just means an extra kick to the nuts every time you walk out the front door. Another 6 or 7 months until we may get a week or two of temperatures that don't feel like walking through napalm. The forecast here is always the same. The FOX weatherman gets the easiest paycheck in Miami. The sun burns and bores me to death. My Turkeyneck sticks to my leg like a honey lathered cow tongue. My balls are pickled in what feels like the spit from a tortoise tongued vagabond. Sweat rolls down my face like the River Hades. I don't leave my air conditioned apartment, unless I absolutely have to (no beer). I look out my window and see Hellspawn walking around with their shirts off, riding their longboards, feeding pigeons and not picking up their dog shit. Drivers licenses are handed out like techno club flyers. Reggaeton is the devil's music.
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