Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Elevator Small Talk - Miami Style

I'm on the ground floor and step into the elevator with another woman.
I push my floor.  She pushes hers.
Doors open and I step out.

Me: "Goodbye"
Her: "You're Welcome, Thanks"

Sunday, August 11, 2013

C'mon In! We're Closed!

I walk into this new deli/grocery store that recently opened to get a croissant for my daughter.  This place has had pretty good breakfasts in the past, but in Miami Beach nothing gold can stay.  It's one of the main reasons why so many places here don't last.  Everything goes to shit.  Don't even get me started on how my German Hofbrauhaus has somehow slowly morphed into Latin American fusion.
Anyways...I walk in and immediately get stink-eye from the youngest of the two workers.  She looks haggard, like she just walked in from clubbing all-night.  The other one blurts to me, "Can I help you?".
I ask for one croissant.
She taps her watch and says "Papi, nothing is ready...We open at 7"
I look at the clock above her head that reads 7:30.  Instead of arguing, I simply accept the ridiculousness of  living in this fucked up land, and leave with a smile, cursing them under my breath.  I used to work at a deli in Wisconsin & lived in NYC to tell you how it's done in the real world.  Do you think you could show up at a bagel shop in NYC the second the door opens, and not get a bag of warm, delicious bagels? Of course you would!  But I live in the land of idiocy! Usually people will get there an hour or two before you are actually open for business and prepare the food.  I know, this seems like common sense, right?  Not here.  God, I miss America...and stop calling me Papi.

Thursday, August 1, 2013

Black Sabbath @ Cruzan Amphitheatre

Black Sabbath Live @ Cruzan Amphitheatre in West Palm Beach, FL - 7/31/13

Black Sabbath came to hot & humid South Florida last evening.  There was barely a breeze to be found in the mass of bodies adding to the heat, along with copious amounts of sweet leaf smoke resting stagnant on top of the crowd.  Andrew W.K. unusually opened the show as a DJ, and he got the crowd amped by cranking deep cuts from the likes of Dio, Rage Against The Machine, Judas Priest and Pantera, to name a few.  The people watching was great.  There were the burn-outs, the metal heads, some weird goth-kids, old farts & whippersnappers...oh my!  In fact, there was a older guy in front of me (late 50's) obviously with his son (late 20's) who was rocking out, fist pumping, shouting along and playing air guitar.  His son kind of stood there embarrassed.  Fuck, I think I was looking at my future!!!
The sun set, and in the darkness behind the massive curtain, Sabbath took the stage to the opening chords of "War Pigs".  They played about a 2 hour set with a great mix of the hits, the classics, some deep cuts, and a refreshing inclusion of a healthy amount from their fantastic new album, 13.  Geezer Butler was my favorite performer of the night.  Watching him play live is just fucking amazing.  Tony Iommi is no slouch either, just shredding on guitar, riff after riff.  The big digital screens on the sides of the stage were actually great for watching all that jaw-dropping finger work.  They also provided some great visuals during the show.  Massive amounts of cocaine mixed with blaxploitation film clips were shown during "Snowblind", all kinds of blood and evil-shit were shown during "Black Sabbath", for "Fairies Wear Boots" there were like goth-steam-punk strippers, and for "Dirty Women" it was like a tribute to Russ Meyer!!!  I've never seen so much tit in a concert!  Their touring drummer, Tony Clufetos, who I guess is from Ozzy's band was also impressive, especially with his explosive solo that I have to admit kept my attention all the way through.
Ozzy was....well, Ozzy.  He was flat a few times in the start, but by the end was a lot more relaxed and stomping around the stage, completely soaked in sweat.  That evil little stutter of a laugh heard on "Black Sabbath" was on the mark and heard every now and then throughout the show, along with a funny "cuckoo" call he kept making whenever the lights were out.  He repeatedly assured the crowd he loved us and then shouted..."I LOVE IT!...SWEATY NUTS!!!" commenting on the ever-present heat & humidity.  Immediately following the next song he spread his legs, reached down and appeared to lift his ballsack up to his shoulders.  Good Times!!!  Setlist was...
1.  War Pigs
2.  Into The Void
3.  Under The Sun
4.  Snowblind
5.  Age Of Reason
6.  Black Sabbath
7.  Behind The Wall Of Sleep
8.  Geezer Bass Solo
9.  N.I.B.
10.  End Of The Beginning
11.  Fairies Wear Boots
12.  Methademic
13.  Rat Salad
14.  Tommy Clufetos Drum Solo
15.  Iron Man
16.  God Is Dead?
17.  Dirty Women
18.  Children Of The Grave
19.  Sabbath Bloody Sabbath Tease
20.  Paranoid