Friday, November 23, 2012
Saturday, November 17, 2012
Going out to the movies is overrated. Let's be honest here. The "magic" of going to the theaters to have this holy cinematic experience is gone forever. Trust me, you're going to pay good money to be disappointed and/or unknowingly bring home bed bugs...or maybe not go home at all and be killed by some maniac. The war for theater etiquette has been lost to the vapid, brainless cattle who are all cracking up at the "Paul Blart: Mall Cop" trailer. Want to see something scary about our society? Next time a godawful preview like this comes on the screen, look around at the amount of people laughing at this horseshit...and know they're breeding. Do you really want to sit among these people for the next two plus hours?
- hordes of glowing i-phones
- dub-step ringtones
- viewers who need someone to loudly translate the entire film to them
- people who chew with their mouths open
- parents who bring their babies to the 11pm showing of "Paranormal 4" (You are a terrible person)
- mouth breathers
- that annoying guy in the back with the weird laugh
- irritating, jabbering teenagers who are not even remotely interested in whatever is on the screen
- the diseased, coughing & sneezing without covering their mouths
The other thing is that movies nowadays have to be 2 and a half hours long. What the fuck? The perfect length of a movie is 90 minutes. If I'm sitting in a movie theater holding my piss for more than 2 hours, there better be some fucking hobbits in it.