Saturday, November 10, 2012


Please don't try to sell me anything when I'm driving my vehicle.  I don't want a stolen copy of the Miami Herald.  I don't want any of the water you bottled in the shitter at the nearby 7-11.  I don't want any of your fucking mangoes or avocados.  I don't want to donate to your cause in exchange for a 3 foot long pixie stick candy straw.   Those haven't looked appetizing since I was 10 years old.  I don't want to donate to your high school football team.  Do your parents know that you are aimlessly walking in the middle of a major intersection asking for handouts?  Are you even in high school?  You look older than I do.  Hey, I have no problem donating to a worthy cause, just not while I'm behind the wheel.  And to all you blockheads who encourage this behavior by pretending your car is a place to barter for goods, well fuck you too.   Sure, we don't mind waiting while you get change for the fucking orchid you decided to buy on a whim.  Don't mind me, I've just been sitting in traffic under the blazing Florida sun for the last 15 minutes, waiting for the green arrow to complete my left turn, so I can continue on with my life...I can catch the next one.  It is a common courtesy that should be respected amongst drivers to not make transactions while operating your vehicle.  If you are buying from these solicitors you are obstructing traffic and should be ticketed, then flogged.  In fact, don't ask me for anything while I'm driving.  I will not acknowledge your existence.  I don't know you.  I don't trust you.  It's a safety issue for all involved. I need to stay focused on the road.  Driving is serious business and being a pedestrian maneuvering in South Florida traffic is like playing Russian roulette. It's a deathtrap out here.  Next time some toothless motherfucker raps on your window, don't promote their practice .  Simply roll up your window and point to your "No Solicitors" magnet you have affixed to your door.  They probably won't know what it means, but knowing is half the battle!!

No comments:

Post a Comment