Saturday, June 30, 2012

Deviant Dale's IPA

For the last 5 years or so, my go-to beer of choice has been Lyons, Colorado's Dale's Pale Ale from Oskar Blues Brewery.  Weighing in at 6.5% ABV it's a hoppy bastard of an ale with a nice kick to the pants.  But, you pretty much can't go wrong with any of the Oskar Blues Brews.  I especially like how their craft beers are all canned.  There's nothing like having a delicious ice cold beer straight outta the can.  Be sure to check the bottom of these bad boys to see the canned date and funny statements like "Kills Vampires" or "Pop Top For Prize".  I'm a big fan of the hops, and Oskar's really are distinguishable by a unique combination of it's higher ABV and bitter sweet flavor .  Among my other favorites are a delicious hoppy Double Red Ale G' Knight (8.7% ABV), and an amazing Imperial IPA called Gubna (10% ABV).  My new favorite is the new 16 oz. Deviant Dale's IPA.  Sold in 4-packs and costing around $12.99, this new concoction amps up the ABV to 8% and as the writing on the can states, there's nothing as good as "Sippin' On A Tall Boy", as you get a full 4 oz more than your standard mild-mannered Dale's Pale Ale.  As with most of the Oskar Blues Hop Family, it has a slight sweetness and citrus aftertaste.  You get a firm handshake from the malt, while being bitch-slapped across the face from the omnipotent hops.  Another Oskar Blues rule-of-school standard is the higher alcohol content...always complimenting, never over-powering.  Now, as my best friend's brother/bartender Matt used to tell us as young, inexperienced drinkers, I pass on to you... "SUCK UP AND SHUT UP!"...Long Live Zur Krone!!

Thursday, June 21, 2012


Sometime since 2007's hopeful, yet underwhelming last full length "Zeitgeist" sole surviving Pumpkin Billy Corgan had some kind of emotional quake to invoke this much yin & yang of beauty and fury, which has always been the key combination to the most dearly loved of Smashing Pumpkins anthems.  Yes... this is the album Pumpkins fans have been waiting for.  Fans of "Gish" & "Siamese Dream" take notice.  Guitars wail in distortion amid tribal beats ("Quasar", "Panopticon", "The Chimera", "Inkless").  Heart strings are yanked at and torn off by the teeth ("The Celestials", "One Diamond, One Heart", and the phenomenal "Violet Rays"). Progressive electronic elements explored on previous albums like "Adore" are borrowed from, but never overwhelm, adding to the beautiful sonic atmosphere ("Pinwheels"and the amazing closer "Wildflower").  The entire album flows easily cohesive and satisfying.  A concept album of the heart.  A simple, age old concept which seems to get more and more lost within this digital age.  It's ironic how just a few years ago Corgan was so vocal about releasing only downloadable singles, shying away from the full album mentality,  to produce something that makes you remember why the album as a whole is so vital in the first place.  One of the best of 2012.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

The Tug Toner

A co-worker showed me this today.  I laughed so hard that I actually let out a little squeaker of a fart.  Worse yet, there were three of us in an enclosed space about 5' X 15'. 

Monday, June 11, 2012

La Goon


FL Registration Sticker Phenomenon

My grandfather used to always say they need to teach a class in common sense.  After living in Florida with so many cretins for so many years, I would make that class a 4 year program.

Among the many different avenues of idiocy here, this strictly south Florida phenomenon is such a laughable mystery to me.  People just cannot grasp the concept of replacing your existing vehicle registration sticker with the new one mailed to you.  Let's say this month you get your new registration sticker for June.  It is perfectly fine to replace your JUN 12 sticker with JUN 13 today!  You need not wait until the end of the month!  That sticker is now saying that your vehicle is registered until the end of June 2013!!!  Holy Shit! What a mind scramble!!  These SoFla nimrods seem to think that you need to keep putting on the stickers all over your plate. (See above photo...I actually just noticed that the plate holder is on upside-down as well! HAHA!!)  I've literally seen plates where the stickers are covering parts of the alphanumeric.  It's actually become a driving game of sorts for my wife and I, shouting out the oldest sticker year seen...pointing at the lummox behind the wheel!  I've noticed I will actually judge a driver ahead of me if I see them to be a perpetrator of this practice.  I will immediately steer clear or move ahead of this person based on their displayed intelligence.  In Florida, I live by the general rule that it doesn't pay to be a do-gooder.  For example, when operating a vehicle and somebody is trying to get into my lane, very rarely would I let them in.  If your license plate is chock full of registration stickers dating back to 2002, there is no way in Hell you are getting in front of me.  Your stupidity will definitely cause a delay in my journey.  Farewell to you.

Sunday, June 10, 2012

Friday, June 8, 2012


It is common to see some of our local "bluebirds" making sure our lawn out front is perfect. They plant new grass or put sod in areas where the dogs dig up or where the occasional moron decides to park illegally. They are always tweaking the sprinkler system, fine tuning it to go off at the perfect time and to cover the perfect amount of area. Well, the new elevator was delivered yesterday in a steel cargo hold, like one of the cars from the train that crashed in Super-8. It probably weighs over a ton and they dropped it off right on the front lawn. The indentation goes down 3 feet. The vehicle that dropped off said cargo had a good old time literally destroying every square inch of the front lawn. Sprinkler system lines are trashed and sticking out like broken bones. They're probably looking at $10,000 of damage. Ah well, just add it to the owner's monthly maintenence bill. It must be awesome to pay for every-idiot-you-live-with’s mistakes. 
Man, that thing is as big as a billboard.  I can't help but think how crushing it would be to these people to have something really stupid like "F-A-R-T" spraypainted across the streetside of the monstrosity.  We'd be known as the puke green building with the giant FART box on the front lawn...maybe I can contract a hit with the local hooligans...
Get off my shoulder, you devil you.